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28 June 04 I used to think I was bad at math. As a kid, I never did well in math (then again, I was always bored and consequently never did well in school in general). In recent years whenever a math-related question would come up I'd shrug it off, laughing, "That's math, it's hard; I can't do that!" Then one day I realized I was actually bragging about my ignorance of the subject, and that I find unacceptable. City College's nursing school recently changed its requirements so that I would need to complete an Algebra class before I could apply, so I'm taking that now. I was a bit apprehensive at first as the last math classes I took were Algebra and a half-year of Geometry in high school, but those were a long time ago (probably before many of my current classmates were born). Plus, you know, I'm a girl and bad at math. But I was happy to have the chance to improve my abilities and get over the math phobia I had. Now I'm halfway through an accelerated semester of Algebra, and you know what? This stuff is easy! Granted, this is just a basic algebra course, but I'm having absolutely no problem with it. Not only that, but today we were introduced to quadratic equations and I'm finding them kind of ... fun! Wheee! 21 June 04 As I drive to school, I pass a parked truck advertising "Hauling - Anything, Anytime". And the first thought that comes to mind is "Dead bodies? 3am?" 18 June 04 There's a lot I want to do today, but I feel like taking a little time to relax before diving in. I'm quite full from the yummy burrito I just had, so I'll sit here and rip music for a bit. I've already done about 60 CDs; at this rate I should be finished by mid-July. iTunes, of course, is way cool. I'm sure it even has a setting to make your morning coffee. The one thing I can't get it to do is to apply metadata to an entire CD, i.e. apply "Artist Name" or "Genre" to all songs on a CD so you don't have to enter that information for each song. Am I just missing something? (And yes, I am using CDDB, but sometimes it requires edits.) As long as I'm talking about music, let me leave you with the Ten Worst Album Covers of All Time. 17 June 04 Alas, I have finally given in to societal pressures - iTunes is chugging away in another window as it begins the daunting task of ripping my CD collection. My CDs are still packed away in boxes because once you collect more than one or two hundred of them, it's near impossible to find a satisfactory storage system that doesn't dominate your home. And when music is packed away, you don't listen to it. So I needed to make it accessible, hence the current project. And I have just discovered the joy that is iTunes connecting with CDDB - much less typing makes everything go much faster! This past weekend was a fun one, filled with friends and fun. Friday evening we spent a couple of hours at Zeitgeist to help Ms. Jen celebrate the end of her crappy schoolyear. While ordering my typical ZG dinner of a burger & beer I realized they had recently updated their menu and are now serving Niman Ranch beef! Only in San Francisco will a dive bar serve naturally-raised meats and gardenburgers. Angela was due to leave this week for her new job in a new town, and on Saturday night a group of us sent her off with a bang! The festivities began with fruity umbrella-laden drinks at the Tonga Room, and when that closed we moved the party down to the DNA where they continued until almost dawn. Much fun was had by all, and many photos were taken to document the event. Sunday was a first for me, and what a lovely first it was! Charlotte hosted a proper tea party for a few of us girls, complete with finger sandwiches, scones and clotted cream, and of course, several varieties of tea. Quite a delicious meal complemented by tasty friends. 15 June 04 My introduction to spinning at clubs came about while I was still working at KFJC. My first dance club gig was a 1989 guest spot at Zone Six, in the subterranean Underground. Over the next few years I did occasional spots at the Edge, opening for live bands like Nine Inch Nails and Red Lorry Yellow Lorry, and even started my own short-lived industrial club in San Jose. But my true beginning as a club DJ was at House of Usher. Filling in for one of the DJs who was going to be out of town for several months, I spun in Usher's industrial music room from approximately July 1993 through the beginning of 1994. It was quite exciting - not only working for what was probably the largest goth/industrial club in the area to date, but also DJing for a live audience. Sure, in radio you are playing live, but your listeners are elsewhere. You can't see them or judge their mood, you don't even know exactly how many listeners you have. In addition, there is a very different emphasis in radio where you often change momentum and break for announcements without concern for losing your audience. As a club DJ you have your audience in front of you. You can tell what they want to dance to, and if you don't play it, or if you lose the tempo you'll lose your audience. It's high-pressure but at the same time, you get instant gratification; throw on the right song and you have a roomful of people cheering! In April 1994 I became the DJ at Death Guild and worked there for three years, through DG's incarnation at the Trocadero. Sure, some aspects of Death Guild were a lot of fun - it was great having my own weekly gig, I met a lot of people, and I was able to do silly things like playing cheesy songs at Midnight (stuff like "YMCA", "Copacabana", "The Bare Necessities", and "Fish Heads") just to see how many people I could get to dance. But when the Troc closed, I took that opportunity to leave DG behind. Frankly, I was tired of working every week, often for no money and never receiving a thank you, for people who treated me poorly. So What!, on the other hand, was much more pleasant for me. For four years I was able to spin a mix of mostly industrial music, often stuff other DJs never played; I got a reputation for playing hard, heavy, stompy music, and I was quite alright with that. Since So What! was on Saturday nights I was usually surrounded by friends and it was like I was getting paid to go out and play with them - a tough job, but someone had to do it! I was involved with several other clubs as a DJ and sometimes also a promoter. For a couple of years I was spinning two and three times a week and my name was plastered across countless ads and flyers. I suppose I was popular in some sense of the word, but I was really doing it because I loved the music. I had a lot of great music that I wanted people to hear, and there were a lot of great bands I wanted to help make popular. I'd like to think I was able to accomplish both those goals. As they say, all good things must come to an end, and that it did. By mid-1999 attendance at So What! had slacked off, my friends were often finding other things to do with their Saturday nights, and I had finally satiated my DJ bug. I quit So What! in June of that year but continued working with Dekonstrukt for another six months. I've done a smattering of other gigs since, most notably at the DNA, but I am currently happily retired. 11 June 04 As a way of becoming more involved with the music I loved so much, I joined one of the top college radio stations in the country. I worked at KFJC for two years, from the beginning of 1988 until the end of 1989, where I did a little bit of everything at one time or another. I did studio production and produced on-air spots (we were still splicing reel-to-reel tapes then), promotions work, schmoozed with record company reps, interviewed bands, and got to host my own radio show. Finally, I was a DJ! Like any novice jock, my first permanent slot was a graveyard show, 2-6 am Sundays. But it wasn't so bad because that was actually Saturday night, and there were quite a few people tuned in at that time. My next slot was Wednesday morning drive time, from 6-10 am. Again, the slot was much more popular than you might think as a lot of people listen to the radio as they drive to work (hence the name). I got to play pretty much whatever I wanted and I'd like to think I turned a lot of people on to new, cool music. I thought I knew a lot about industrial and goth (née dirge) music before working there, but I learned otherwise and I myself was introduced to scores of new bands. Of course, with the sheer volume of music housed at the station, you'd be hard pressed to spend any time there without hearing something new. Working at a radio station is full of perks, as you might imagine. When KFJC would co-promote a concert the station would get a number of free tickets in exchange for plugging the show on-air; I didn't pay for a single show in the time I was working there, and for awhile I was going to at least one per week. Record companies would also send us free stuff - tshirts, posters, music (often limited-edition promo releases), and other tchotchkes - in an effort to draw our attention to their artists. It was great when the stuff happened to be for a band you really liked! In addition to getting free stuff, you're also able to meet some of your favourite bands. We often had bands stop by the station to promote a concert or an album and there was never any telling who you might meet on a given day. It's funny, even though I thought it was neat to meet a bunch of "rock stars" I often never bothered. I didn't want to seem like some sort of vapid fan, "Oh my gawd, you're so great and I have all your albums!", so instead I would only approach musicians if I actually had something to say. I'm not sure why I eventually stopped working there. Like any facet of the entertainment industry, even a non-commercial station like KFJC was chock-full of ego and attitude; I guess I just got tired of dealing with primadonnas, so I hung up my headphones and moved on. But I certainly wasn't finished doing the DJ thing. to be continued... 9 June 04 More thoughts on death... I just got home from the funeral of my dad's cousin. Lorraine was very much a San Franciscan, having grown up in the Mission (back when it was still Italian), and later moving to the Sunset. She graduated from UC Berkeley, then taught Spanish to junior high students in SF for 50 years before finally retiring some number of years ago. She was pleasantly flamboyant and was always bedecked in jewelry and shimmery outfits. When Lorraine was in a room it would always be filled with jokes and laughter. Several years ago the grim hand of Alzheimer's disease began closing around her. She could no longer tell what was going on inside her head from reality, and judging from her actions it must have been frightening in there. Sadly, she had to be placed in a rest home where she stayed for the last several years. Complications landed her in the hospital a couple of weeks ago before finally taking her life. I went to see her last week and was taken aback by her appearance. In place of the carefully made-up comedienne I had known lay an old lady, eyes staring straight ahead without seeing. If she was able to hear us talking in the room, she gave no indication. I can only imagine that various dramatic or horrific scenarios were playing out in Lorraine's mind, but it must have been an awful thing to go through. The only thing I have to compare it to is a particular terrifying evening I spent in an, uh, artifically-induced alternative state of consciousness. I didn't quite know what was happening or why, I didn't know what to do about it, and the worst thing was I saw absolutely no end in sight. After about an hour my brain dealt with all that by shutting down and I have no further recollection of the evening. I can only hope that people with severe Alzheimer's or dementia experience the same sort of detachment. 8 June 04 Back in the early 80s there was no genre called "Eighties Music", nor was it ubiquitous. It was called "New Wave", it wasn't played on the radio, and no one I knew listened to it. So in order to learn and discover more I had to blaze my own trails and search out bands myself. I remember buying a lot of music magazines in the name of research. Somehow I discovered this band called U2 and picked up their War album. I loved them! Sadly, I missed getting tickets to see them tour that album, but I went out and bought everything of theirs I could get my grubby little hands on. I was finally able to see U2 live on 15 December 1984 and they changed my life. [Look at my photos!] Never before or since have I seen another band who created such a rapport with and captivated their audience so. It didn't matter how well the muscians could play their instruments, and it didn't matter that the vocalist couldn't sing well. U2 was intense, full of raw energy and passion just bursting to get out, and you could feel that emanating from the performers, particularly Bono. I stood slack-jawed watching the band; I was awed by their performance, and when it was over I vowed to make music part of my life. My love affair with U2 continued for several years, until Rattle and Hum was released and the band sadly changed their musical direction. I saw them eight times - every time they played in San Francisco between 1984 and 1987. I wanted to make music part of my life but since I cannot sing or play an instrument I had to involve myself in other ways. Over the next few years I did some writing and photography for a few small music papers and magazines. I did booking for some local bands, most notably Missile Harmony (with former Wire Train guitarist & vocalist Kurt Herr) and Every Secret Thing (who later changed their name to Grotus). As an avid fan I bought music right and left, read interviews with and articles about my favourite artists, and saw a ton of concerts. I made friends with the owner and employee at my local independent record store and we would tell one another about the latest cool bands we had each discovered. The mid- and late- Eighties were a wonderful time in San Francisco and I took full advantage of that. Not only were there top-rate local bands, but the live scene in general was thriving. I was going to see scores of shows in SF at places like Wolfgang's, the I-Beam, Fillmore, Warfield, DNA, Civic Auditorium and the Kennel Club, as well as all around the Bay Area at One Step Beyond, Berkeley Square, Greek Theatre and the Cabaret. U.S. Immigration were more lenient then they are today, and it was an excellent time for touring bands. I watched this "New Wave" stuff grow and split into even cooler things like alternative (it meant a different thing then than it does now), dirge, death rock and industrial dance. That was such a wonderful time, but still wasn't enough for me - I wanted to be more involved. to be continued... 7 June 04 As I was out dancing last weekend I began thinking a lot about how I became so interested in and involved with music. Since I never kept journals as I was growing up, I thought I would begin writing about my past so I will have some sort of record of my earlier years... Like many pre-teen kids I didn't have much knowledge of music. Not knowing any better, I listened to what was played on the local AM station and liked it. Occasionally there would be a song that I really, REALLY got into, but for the most part I just listened to a lot of crap. In the late 70s my best friend's older brother had a pirate radio station which he ran out of their house. I started doing radio shows, but since I didn't know much about music at the time I just played some stuff of his that I liked. It just so happened that the "stuff" were things like The Sex Pistols, The Ramones, Elvis Costello, Devo, and The Cars. It wasn't until many years later that I realized the significance of that music! Doing those shows certainly infected me with the DJ bug. I knew I wanted more, but I didn't know how to go about it, so that stayed on the back burner for several years. As a teenager I listened to rock music; usually the harder stuff, as there was something about the intensity of that genre that spoke to me. I didn't want anything to do with that girly "light rock"! I didn't like much of what I heard on the radio so my listening habits were based not so much on commercial airplay as they were on word-of-mouth. I really got into Rush and they were my favourite band for a couple of years. (In fact, listening to bands like Rush and Iron Maiden gave me an appreciation for excellent musicianship, especially drumming, that I carry with me to this day.) I started going to concerts at age 15 and everytime a band I liked came through town, I was there watching them onstage. After Rush released Signals, the first album on which they used keyboards, I read an interview with one of the members who said that the electronic influence on that album was due to listening to some band called Ultravox. Fangirl that I was, I went and bought an Ultravox album to see what the fuss was about. Wow, I was floored! Ultravox was not only a far cry from the progressive and hard rock stuff I had been listening to, but they were also my introduction to that wacky New Wave stuff I had been hearing about. They had a fresh, new, very exciting sound that I loved! I was hooked. to be continued... 5 June 04 I've spent the better part of the day scanning a slew of concert photos, most of which were taken in the 80s and 90s, as part of the web project I'm current working on. I had been using JAlbum for a couple of months to generate my photo galleries, but as I use it more, its kludginess is starting to bother me. I need to find something more efficient, yet still completely customizeable. I wonder if it exists? If you'd like something to look at in the meantime, I've also scanned in a bunch of old backstage passes. 4 June 04 Mmm, I'm all refreshed after a nice, hot shower. I needed it to warm up from this summer weather we've been having. The past two weeks I've had off from school, and I've spent it doing a lot of work on the house. I'm finally finished with the torturous bookcase I was building (save for cutting a couple more shelves), and I'm now done painting the entry area and adjoining stairwell and upstairs landing (just need to remove the masking tape and clean up). Being on break gave me the impetus to get some friends together and go out to a club last weekend! I even danced a bit, like the dork I am. While I was out and listening to music, I was inspired to do more writing for my journal and website, and I've already had a chance to start on that. I shall now continue with my projects, lest the evil Interweb hypnotize me and suck the remaining motivation from my brain. 2 June 04 My canine teeth are pointy, the left one especially. It may be too pointy. I remember thinking this last night as I was chewing on the inside of my mouth in my sleep. Now I can't help but fuss with the little sore spot I got on my lip from doing so, and that just makes it worse. My left ear has a little point on it as well, fwiw. 22 May 04 Here are some photos taken down at India Basin today, and some taken at Zeitgeist last week. 21 May 04 Last night was my final Final, and now I am completely done with school*!! I celebrated by sitting on the couch all morning watching TV. After having spent the last week doing almost nothing except studying and writing papers, I told myself that today is devoted to slack (well, and that little bit of shopping I did). After today, I have two weeks before Summer Session begins in which to finish up all the little projects I have around the house. This was both the hardest and the most enjoyable semester to date - I was taking a couple of difficult classes (General Human Anatomy and Introduction to Medical Chemistry) and it was a challenge to remember such vast amounts of information, but at the same time I kept learning so much new, cool stuff! ("Oh, so *that's* what that means; *that's* how we work!") It's amazing how school has made me feel so good about myself. After having my soul trounced upon while working at my last job I feel like I've been turned around 180° - I'm happier, I'm learning, understanding, improving myself, I'm overcoming challenges and shining in the process, and I'm looking forward to doing more of it! Right now I can look back at that job and stick my tongue out. But it did serve a purpose. It taught me I was better than that, and forced me to push myself further in life. * For the semester. 5 May 04 I met with my parents on Monday to go over some of the details regarding their will. It's one of those things that is depressing, but necessary. However, I didn't realize how much it was bothering me until last night. Little things started nagging me while I was at school yesterday - Should I file a formal complaint against the teacher whose grading policies I have issue with? What topic should I choose for my final paper? And then for three hours I sat in a classroom listening to the cacophony produced by a sheet of plastic flapping over a window in repair. When I finally got home I burst into tears. I feel that in writing their will my parents have turned their eventual deaths from concept into reality. We all know we're going to die sooner or later, but the older you get, the closer it becomes. (And yes, this sounds pedantic, but I've just gone through some mental shift from death as a concept which occurs in the distant future to death as an imminent reality, and that's difficult.) And it has to be even harder when you are the one writing your will and planning for your own death. *Sigh* 1 May 04 Okay, it only took me six months to finish it, but here is my travel journal and photos from my recent trip to Belize. 29 April 04 Lately I've been giving a lot of thought to past relationships and now I feel like I should do a brain dump of sorts in order to clear my head and move the old material to cold storage. (I almost used the word "baggage" instead of "material", but I feel that while I carry with me many experiences, I don't have much baggage.) I've just celebrated a significant birthday and it's also been exactly ten years since I got unmarried, so most of my recent thoughts have centered around how far I've come in the past decade. In March 1994 I was at a point in my life where I needed more. I felt that if I didn't do something soon, I'd end up dying a suburban housewife who never really *lived*. I wanted to travel, to live in the fast lane, to be somebody. And in realizing that, I also came to realize my (now) ex wasn't the right person for me. I gathered my newfound courage and set off to recreate myself. By mid-April I had a new place to live, a new haircolor, a new tattoo and a whole lot of enthusiasm. Since then I've made many mistakes and learned even more lessons. While there are a few past relationships I look back upon fondly, there are, unfortunately, many more where I wonder why I even bothered. I either didn't know what I was looking for or mistakenly thought I had found it. I wonder if this is common? Or were those hapless attempts simply a result of a very scared girl just trying to find companionship? It wasn't until I was settled into this relationship that I finally admitted to myself the one thing I really wanted in life: to be in love. My life is now better than it has ever been before, and a day doesn't go by now where I'm not thankful for who I have finally found. The last ten years have included the best and the worst times of my life. They've seen me grow in ways I wouldn't have dreamed of back then. Here's to the next ten being better than my wildest dreams. 24 April 04 It's a beautiful night tonight, and I took some nice pictures of San Francisco earlier from the top of Twin Peaks. 24 April 04 The only thing I can remember dreaming about last night (and I do remember it going through my head over and over and over) is how the body processes alcohol. Ethyl alcohol [O]→ Acetaldehyde [O]→ Acetic Acid Maybe I've been spending too much time doing chemistry :) 23 April 04 Doot dee doott dee doot. I'm guessing I'm a little bit drunker than I think I am, because I'm very good at concealing that fact (even to myself). This is the friend I introdoced to people tonight. Yum. 21 April 04 This week has contained a bit of mild anxiety concerning my school plans. Back in January I shifted my educational goal from an A.S. to a B.S., and planned on applying to S.F. State in October for admission in September '05. (It takes about four years total to obtain either an A.S. or a B.S. in Nursing, so why not go for the advanced degree?) However, earlier this week I determined I would not be able to complete the prerequisites for admission to State in time, due in part to one of the summer classes I needed filling up prior to my registration date. So I reevaluated my goals. While a B.S. would be great, I am more concerned with finishing school in a reasonable amount of time. If I'm not ready to apply to State in Fall I would instead have to put it off until the following year, and wouldn't be starting the program until September 2006. That's too long to wait. OTOH, City College does have the best nursing program in the area and I can apply in Spring to begin nursing school in August 2005. That's more like it! In the meantime I have two regular semesters and two Summer semesters to finish up the classes I *have* to take, plus add in a couple I'd *like* to take. I can work at a pace which allows me enough time to study well and get good grades which I will need in order to even be considered for nursing school. I'll end up with an A.S. and can always return to get that B.S. I'm starting to get excited because now I not only have a concrete timeline, but it's in the forseeable future! 16 April 04 I have this thing about being organized. I love order. I get all tingly inside when I go someplace like the Container Store or Bloodbath & Beyond and see all the organizers and storage units and such. I came across this picture of the winner of the messiest desk contest and the first thought to go through my head was, "Wow, I could do a great job straightening that up!" 15 April 04 My favourite biologic term used to be Golgi Apparatus. But I've just learned a new term while studying heart anatomy, and it has become my new fave: Bundle of His (pronounced "hiss"). 14 April 04 I'm actually enjoying doing a bit of background research to better understand glycerophospholipids, amino acids, zwitterions and the ionization and basic reactions thereof. Heh. 13 April 04 Today is my first day back at school after last week's Spring Break. I really meant to do some studying while on break, but it just didn't happen. I didn't get around to finishing the bookcase I was going to build either. Maybe it was good for me to have a week of relaxation. In any case, I still think we need longer days so I could have enough time to do all the things I want to do. Six more weeks of school, then a two week break before the six week Summer Session begins. I have to be very careful and continue to study and do well through the end of the semester so that my grades do not slip. My classes are challenging in that there is a lot of information to remember, but the concepts themselves are not difficult. I'll be fine as long as I continue to put effort into it. 8 April 04 Today has been a day of several frustrations and one good-sized accomplishment. I was frustrated because there are so many things I wanted to do around the house but I kept getting thwarted in my attempts to do them. So instead, I plopped myself down in front of my wonderful OS X machine, and spent the day working on web stuff. Now that I have a digital camera I wanted some sort of software to help display my photos. I went with JAlbum which builds photo album pages but, most importantly, is completely customizable. I spent the next several hours doing just that and then uploading a few small galleries: My most recent birthday dinner. A visit to the SF Zoo. And the obligatory cat pictures. Speaking of recent birthdays, yes, I just celebrated another. I wanted a low-key celebration, so last Sunday evening Frederick, Susan, Ashley and I went to Mecca for a yummy dinner and too much dessert. On Monday, my actual birthday, my parents came up and we all went to Ti Couz for yet another yummy dinner. (This is notable because in the ten years I've been living in SF, this is only the second time they've come to visit me.) When Frederick asked me what I wanted for my bday I told him "just a card", so that I'd have a written keepsake from him. He responded by giving me a birthday card inside of which he had written the most beautiful poem I have ever seen. I cry everytime I read it. I love that man so much. | |||
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