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30 June 05 Wow, I'm more than halfway through Summer semester already. Only about two weeks left to go! I've got a nice, easy term; I'm taking just one class - History of the United States from 1900 to the Present. The teacher is very good and he makes it a very interesting class. While I knew about significant events in US history, I am learning a lot about the details, context and attitudes surrounding all of these events. One thing I am discovering about myself is how prejudice I am against America and Americans in general. I've never been a patriotic person, and even as a child I thought it was great that my mom was from another country. As far back as I can remember, I've disliked the stereotype of the American tourist. And of course, America since Dubya's presidency and post-9/11 has just been an embarrassment to me. I have no political ties to any other country. While the US is far from perfect, I don't know that any other country (save possibly Canada) would give me more freedom. I just found it very interesting to come across this internalized prejudice that I had never given much thought to in the past. 27 June 05 Saturday's Science! party was a rousing success! We had a house full of test subjects and lab coat-clad researchers who performed a variety of experiments throughout the evening. Sadly, a few friends couldn't make it because of prior commitments, but to make up for that there were quite a number of people attending who had never before been to one of our parties, some of whom I hadn't seen for years. Here are a number of photos documenting the scientific method. Now it's time to catch up on that homework I put off so that I could work on party preparations. 3 June 05 Man, I am not the drinker I used to be. My tolerance has gone the way of my youthful naïveté, and my head is still a bit loopy from last night. I tried to stop drinking, but then the bartender forced me to drink that tequila, then there was that lemon drop, and I seem to remember another cosmo, and I had to taste the Double Chocolate Stout, and I think I stole Jamie's Capt. Morgan's & coke... But I had a lot of fun at Ash's birthday party! 27 May 05 As of last night, I AM DONE! This semester of doom is done, finals are finished, and I'm trying to get used to the fact that I don't have any homework for awhile. Just a little while, as summer session starts in 1.5 weeks. But that should be relatively easy as I'm just taking one history class, and, hey, just about anything is easy after Microbiology! But you know what I'm really excited about? My Micro instructor posted our final grades. I knew I would pass, but I also knew there was a chance I didn't do as well on the final as I would have liked, so I steeled myself to that possibility. I looked at my final grade, and I got an A! The most difficult class I've ever taken, with the worst teacher I've ever had, and I got the best grade possible! *dance* *dance* *dance* And there was much rejoicing. 20 May 05 What a lazy day. But I think I really needed it. We went out to Meat last night where I saw a lot of friends, talked to some people I hadn't seen for years, and heard some good music. I sprang out of bed earlier than I would have liked this morning after looking at the clock and realizing the streetcleaner nazis were due ANY MINUTE. So I moved the car out of their clutches, and went back inside to do stuff. I've spent the last couple of hours asleep on the couch, so firmly clutched by drowsiness that I wasn't able to get up. Whenever I'd wake up I'd think about getting up, but sleep would overcome me again before I could. It was pretty annoying, actually. Even now I still feel tired. This weekend is devoted to studying, and in less than a week, I'll be done with finals. Yay. And then there will be a Zeitgeisting. Yay! 18 May 05 We have this Zen alarm clock. It chimes once at the pre-determined time, then a few minutes later chimes again, and so on, in ever-decreasing intervals until you get up and turn it off. We also have this cat who knows I'll top off her food bowl her once I get up. And check email. The other morning the alarm clock went off for the first time. Kisa jumped on the bed and sat atop me (as she often does) and meowed. A few minutes later the alarm chimed again, and the cat meowed again. Chime, meow. Chime, meow. This continued several times until I got up, laughing, and turned off the alarm clock. 15 May 05 One and a half weeks, and then this semester is over. I really hope having more time and more mental energy will allow me to go out and do more, and to be more social. I've already got a mental list of all of the incredible things I'm going to accomplish once I have my life back. These last few weeks have been pretty draining. I've really been concentrating on studying, and as a result, haven't been to the gym for awhile. I also haven't felt like cooking and therefore haven't been eating as well as I'd like to. And I know those two things combined affect my moods and energy; another two things I want to change in a week and a half. Meanwhile, for the past two days the sky here has been an opaque white. It must be summertime. 10 May 05 Over the past few days, I've given a lot of thought to my social life and the facets of it that have been making me upset. In short, I think opportunities are there for social interaction. I just have to take some responsibility for making them happen. I also have to get better at initiating social events. I recently made the resolution to no longer let myself fade into the background, then get angry because nobody noticed me back there. What I will do instead is make a concerted effort to stay in touch with friends, and make sure I don't fade away. Time will be tight for the next couple of weeks until finals are over, then I can go out and play. After that, let's meet for a beer or dinner or to go horseback riding! Let me know when you're free ;) 6 May 05 The main thing that's been on my mind is my social life. Looking back at earlier journal entries, it appears that I've been vacillating between being a social butterfly and being a hermit for several years, and I seem to be uncomfortable with either extreme. I like a certain amount of alone time. I like spending time at home with my spousal equivalent. I like going out and doing things. I like being with friends. I would like to have a balance between all of these things, but that's where I'm failing. Part of what's bothering me is that I hear about other people always meeting up with friends and going out and having fun. Part of me thinks that's the way life is supposed to be, and if my life isn't that way then something must be wrong. But life isn't "supposed to" be any way, and I'm sure most peoples' lives aren't as such. Grass. Fence. Greener. I feel I'm in the midst of some paradigm shift, and that's why this is all bubbling to the surface now. Maybe my earlier posts were cries for help without me even realizing it. As I mull all of this over in my head, I've realized that I've gotten to be a little bit scared. Scared that if I'm out in a social situation, I won't have anything to say and I'll just end up sitting in a corner and staring at people. (I've never had much faith in my own conversational skills.) I need to stop thinking this way and remember that I *can* go out and have fun if I let myself. 6 May 05 I tried to write a journal entry yesterday. I rewrote it several times, posted it, and eventually deleted it. I deleted it because I felt uncomfortable, not so much because I was revealing something that obviously bothered and affected me, but because I realized some of the limitations of public journals. I originally started my online journal as an exercise in being more open. I try to write about personal things, but I still censor myself, as befits this medium. Now I'm realizing that a problem with online journals, especially interactive ones like Livejournal, is that simply revealing your feelings might be construed as some sort of passive-aggressive plea for attention. (Not that I've been accused of this, but rather, I am apparently hypersensitive to it. I try to avoid drama so much that sometimes I avoid making any sort of waves at all.) And that's not why I write. Sometimes I just like to vent, I guess. 5 May 05 Hrm, I just deleted my last entry. I felt uncomfortable with it, in that I didn't want anyone to feel like I was blaming them in particular (I wasn't). I'm not sure I can articulate my feelings on this subject. I hate being left out. I often wonder why I'm rarely included in things. I wonder what is wrong with me. 26 April 05 It's been interesting, watching the progression of attitudes towards a musical form. Punk and industrial music were created as a backlash to the monolithic dinosaur rock bands of the 60s and 70s; they were polar opposites of music that had lost its soul in some record company office along the way. Whereas what we now call classic rock had evolved from R&B and rock & roll, punk and industrial were created from anarchy and antithesis, and did away with such musical masturbation as drum and guitar solos. Punk soon developed a less angry, often poppier side known as New Wave, which I discovered in the early 80s. I immediately fell in love, but no one else I knew liked that weird music, and it certainly never got played on the radio. It wasn't until 1986 or 87 when new wave and (real) alternative music started getting a little bit of airplay, and began to be somewhat accepted by the general population. Fast-forward to 2005. I walk through the department store or the supermarket, and hear early 80s new wave being played over the loudspeakers. Not just one store or one song, but many stores and a whole slew of songs. Stuff that you could never get anyone to play twenty years ago is becoming ubiquitous. I am quite amused that yesterday's rebellion is today's Muzak. 17 April 05 For my recent birthday, my wonderful boyfriend took me shopping. We went on a veritable spree, and his presents to me were three very cool items: two fish fossilized in a rock, the skull of a young hyena (note the unerupted adult teeth), and the pièce de résistance, a (replica) skull of a saber-toothed cat.    For as long as I can remember I've loved bones and skulls. At about age 14 I collected my first skulls - a cow and a horse I found as I was riding around my cousin's cattle ranch in Idaho. Since then I've found a few other bones here and there, and purchased a few as well. Whenever I see skulls in schools or museums I attempt to identify them without looking at the labels. I also have a full-sized human skeleton. I carry it with me everywhere I go. 16 April 05 There's a meme going around about concerts that people have seen. That got me thinking, so I sat down and made a list of the shows I've seen over the years. It's quite long, but also, sadly, incomplete. I guess that's what happens when you spent ten years working for clubs and radio stations and see a bazillion shows, but have no ticket stubs by which to keep track of them :/ 15 April 05 Ugh, I am quite frustrated with school right now. My microbiology teacher, Dick Davis, is crappy, and the whole class is suffering because of him. First off, he's a lousy lecturer. He mentions some topics in the textbook but never clarifies or expands upon the subject. Last week we had our midterm exam and 38 of 47 students scored a "D" or lower. I normally get "A"s, but my grade on this exam was the lowest I have ever gotten in college. Yesterday we had a lab quiz and three of the five questions asked us to diagram chemical structures. Hello, this is not a chemistry class, and that's not what the test was supposed to be covering. (As people were handing their tests in, I saw many blank spaces where the answers should have been.) On top of that, the exams and quizzes contain questions about things we have not studied. Some might suggest talking to the guy, but that won't work. His response is always something like, "Well, it was mentioned in the book/lecture." The reason for such poor scores on his exam? "People don't study enough." I was warned about this teacher, and I really did not want to take his class. But when it came my turn to register, all other sections with other teachers were full, and it was either take Davis' section or wait six months to try and enroll with another teacher (which would push back my SFSU enrollment date by a year). I've given serious thought to withdrawing from the class now, but again, I really don't want to push everything back another year. It's sad - normally I *love* science classes. There are a lot of neat things in this class, but unfortunately that's all overshadowed by a horrible teacher; the right teacher could have made it really interesting. At this point my goal is simply to pass the class. I'm now putting in even more time studying than before in hopes I can get my class grade back up and it won't affect my GPA. In six weeks I'll be free and needing a beer or three. 1 April 05 Whew! I arrived home last night after a fun-filled two days of nature and animals. It started Wednesday morning when I drove up to Safari West, a 400 acre African game preserve in the hills outside Santa Rosa. I spent my morning in a 4WD vehicle, bouncing around on muddy trails searching out animals to photograph (hey yuppie SUV drivers, this is the sort of thing real Land Rovers are used for!). I saw a lot of different animals and took some great pictures. After lunch I drove southwest to Inverness, where, after a little bit of hiking in a Redwood rainforest, I stayed the night in a former hunting lodge. After a nice hot soak in the clawfoot tub, I sat in front of the fire reading my book and drinking a glass of red wine before I retired to the Incredibly Comfy Bed for a much-needed ten hours of sleep. I took my time getting ready Thursday morning, and about 11am finally headed out to Point Reyes National Seashore. I first drove out to the point and walked down the 308 steps to the lighthouse, which is one of the best places to watch for migrating grey whales. I watched, but the whales just weren't in the area. (In fact, I kept an eye on the sea whenever possible during the rest of the day and sadly did not see any whales at all.) After walking back up the 308 steps, I drove to Tomales Point at the north end of the National Park to look for Tule elk. As it turns out, it's really hard not to see the elk once you get out to that area; I counted about 110 individuals, many of which I saw from the car. After reaching the end of the road, I parked my car and hiked about four miles north. It was a beautiful walk with excellent weather and all sorts of wildlife around me. Of course I saw more elk, but I also saw mountain lion tracks, a bird pellet, and several species of raptors - the omnipresent turkey vultures, a red-tailed hawk, a northern harrier, and an American kestrel. I had a great hike and of course, took more photos. I never realized how big, diverse and wonderful the Point Reyes area is! Plus, it's only an hour away from SF. I want to go back and explore it more, and I definitely want to return in fall to see the bull elk once their antlers have fully grown.   
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